October 23, 2017
The Game of L♥ve + Marriage
Sushma was sitting in my therapy couch. When she entered my counseling room she was looking quite balanced. But just after 15 minutes of talk , she burst into tears . Probably that flood of tears were just waiting for this moment for years.
She was to turn 30 next year. Exactly 6 years ago , she met Ravi for the first time , she had been in couple of serious relationships before that but those didn’t work somehow . So this time she was bit careful.
She found Ravi had all those qualities which she was actually looking for . And Ravi was also very happy with Sushma. Within few months they decided to tie knot for life time .
How wonderful those days were ! Ravi used to be such an ideal companion. Always caring , always smiling , witty , wise & matured .
Probably she was also not ready to believe that once upon a time their relationship used to be so harmonious.
Currently the picture is completely reverse of it. A person for whom , she sacrificed her career , has no place for her , neither in his heart , mind nor in his busy timetable . And worst part is he doesnot even feel any kind of guilt for it , on top of it he never misses a single chance to make her feel low and guilty .
She broke down narrating her story to me . “ I told that person hundred times to accompany me visiting any family therapist , but he is so adamant . ”
I could feel the growing anger in her voice .
Sips of brewing hot coffee made her somewhat relaxed .
Ego, Expectations , Over thinking , Comparison , Continuous flow of negative self-suggestions and many more such factors has exaggerated . Sushma’s stress so high that their relationship has left with no dialog but only arguments. 10 % arguments are done when they face each other and 90 % , just in their imaginary world !
“ Imaginary World ” , Yes that is the real problem. Real Problem, since beginning .
I am not saying that the current negative imaginary world which Sushma ( and of course Ravi too ) has created , is their only problem. But before this they created one more imaginary world; before their marriage Sushma actually never loved real Ravi , she loved Ravi’s image which she perceived in her mind. Similarly as in the story of those monkeys who got attracted towards to the image of moon captured in a pond.
So here in this circumstances, first step needs to be taken is to first understand this hard fact that your image is an illusion, it has nothing to do with real person. The moment our emotionally perceived image touches the hard grounds of reality, it shatters in thousands of pieces.
And second step to be taken is to accept the real person , rather than comparing him with our illusion . Then only dialog can begin. After few counseling & hypnosis sessions ,Sushma & Ravi are enjoying company of each other now .
But , my suggestion to all the newly committed people is , don’t try to create your false image in your partners eyes, be as natural as you are. And at the same time accept the partner the way he or she is . Because Life is a very long story , one can’t fake it beyond certain limit . If possible take some Pre Marital Counseling , Married Life is a difficult game , the more you are trained , prepared & Skilled, more you will enjoy it !!
With Love for all the Swa-Darshaks !